Saturday, September 16, 2006

The bump that cheers!

Long, long ago when I was sitting in class on some weekend, looking at my lecturer and his prominent rounded bump enclosed by a shirt and embellished by his trouser belt, I had an odd thought. Well in this enjoyable (IMDB reviewer notwithstanding) comedy called The High Crusade (1994) about an over enthusiastic knight who hijacks an alien scout vessel that strays into Earth, with his motley entourage and lands up on their home planet as part of the Crusades, among the numerous comic situations ( the one about the alien version of intercourse and protection is hilarious) there’s this hostage situation where he exchanges his pretty little wife (apparently she has the least utility) for custody of one of the aliens. The aliens somehow feel they’ve been shortchanged and on looking her up realize that they’ve been saddled with “the bumpy one.” Now that was a mind-boggling, electrifying realization for me.

I just paused to ponder when I had last referred (I mean mentally) to a woman’s (covered) breast as “a bump.” Well apparently, never. It’s always been more than that. Till the blinding flash of realization struck me, mind you not while watching The High Crusade but in class as mentioned above, that it need not mandatorily be looked at as a stimulant. It could also be dismissed as an uneven feature. But reversing this logic yields some interesting results. What if a common uneven feature of the middle-aged of the male species should suddenly start getting recognized as a stimulant by the opposite sex? After all it too is a “bump.” Imagine… and there are some many of those perfectly pot-bellied policeman, for instance. Phew! Now you get why I was talking about my lecturer and his… Such an event could seriously threaten us younger guys and we’d be hopelessly outnumbered too. Imagine… And I’d like to leave you with that.


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